When Healing Hurts
Strange concept that when you heal from anything this can cause great pain & heartache. The pain of relationships is what I am talking about. Alienation, jealousy & anger are often the result of healing especially if you are a miracle.
I wrote a blog awhile back about being addicted to the chaos of MS & how personally it was hard when I no longer identified as someone who had MS 1st & foremost. I personally struggled with this new outcome for myself & was astonished by this.
Today's post is about how healing hurts regarding relationships.
When my life was unmanageable & MS seemed to be winning I began to make drastic changes to help live my best life. At this time I was asked to be in a 'family' wedding as a bridesmaid. I was still very sick when the bride & groom asked me to join the bridal party & had been about a year into my conscious life journey.
About 4 months after accepting with excitement to be in the wedding I made the decision to shave my head in an effort to save hand usage which was now at a premium for me. When the bride to be found out she literally begged me to wait until after the wedding stating folks would think I had cancer as I walked down the aisle.
I was like so what if I did have cancer does this mean you would not want me to be in your wedding?!?
To make matters worse for this bride I had decided to no longer wear toxic make-up on my body especially my face. Learning there was almost zero regulation of the chemicals used in the cosmetic industry clearly made this choice a smart next step. Bridezilla hired a make-up artist which I refused to use for the "big day." She was livid especially after delivering each member of the bridal party a 13 page excel spreadsheet of how & what was excepted of each member of the bridal party.
To keep things the most exciting I was about 4 months into my Wahls Warrior journey & requested to have a Paleo meal at the reception. This was received so poorly the bride contacted her soon to be mother in law upset wondering why I agreed to be in the wedding which resulting in a pleading call for me to drop out of the bridal party after buying the dress & paying for alterations all simply because I was trying to save myself. Remember all of these choices were to heal my body, but everyone else saw them as me simply being difficult.
This was the 1st time healing hurt.
When I first started my healing from MS using diet & lifestyle I attended every conference I could to learn more. I reached out & made connections with almost every leader in the field to gain as much 1st hand knowledge as possible to kick MS to the curb. Along the way quickly learning MS was not the only thing many globally where healing through consciousness.
Almost immediately I ran to share this news & information with loved ones suffering from Lupus, RA, Diabetes, Autism, Cancer & the list goes on. Each time being met with no response, anger or completely being cut off forever. Many stating that they did not want to hear about my journey at all & to simply keep quiet. Even though their health & well being continued to decline almost daily.
This was the 2nd time healing hurt.
As the years have gone by with my healing clearly being miraculous the distance between me & many grew wider & wider. I remember being on vacation with a group of friends about 2 years ago where someone rented a house. I chose to bring my own food much to the organizers dismay. I simply packed a cooler choosing not to participate in the group shopping everyone in the house was contributing too.
The organizers were not happy & tried to pressure me into participation & contribution many times. When it was clear I was not going too they became hostile whispering like high school girls the entire vacation about my actions.
My presence clearly threatened their choices especially when you can no longer deny how good I look & how much I was kicking MS to the curb. In addition my brand was growing & the community I represent getting stronger & louder with each passing day.
This group even went so far as to alienate me almost the entire time. I knew after one night this was going to be the last time I would be in their company knowing they would never include me again. I was right & have never been invited since then. Remember all of this simply because I chose to use lifestyle choices to live my best life.
This was the 3rd time healing hurt.
In the last year my healing from MS has taken a huge upswing. I have had huge leaps in my ability & this body is doing things it has not been able to do in almost 30 years. I look younger every day, my weight is optimal & literally I run like a well oiled machine. No one not even strangers can deny that I am simply glowing while radiating the picture of health.
Over the last 5 years I have stopped eating gluten, dairy, grains, sugar, no longer smoke or drink alcohol, go to bed at 8pm waking at 4am, meditate every day, move for a few hours daily, get vitamin D, grounding energy and consult my angels for the win.
These changes are DRASTIC to say the least & have changed everything about my person. In addition the brand I started known as PaleoBOSS Lady has grown to be over 50K strong with close to 1 million global impression weekly & I am considered an influencer in the world of consciousness.
As of the writing of this blog I am several months into a USA tour supporting the community I serve based on moral obligation alone. I am a minimalist whose ever possession fits in my little red fiat.
Quite honestly I am the best version of me for the 1st time in my life!
There is no doubt this is true with confirmation coming almost daily from the global community I represent. In fact last week I gave the talk of my life as a TEDx Speaker. BAM.
In the last year I had a family member share with me a dream they had of having children was not going to be possible. They found out there was a problem that traditional medicine was unable to fix. After a few surgeries they decided there was no hope of full filling this life long dream. We both sat devastated about this news.
In typical me fashion I decided to consult Dr. Google to find out more. As luck would have it one of the leaders in conscious living had the same situation and I knew him. I dug a little deeper & was able to confirm diet & lifestyle changes could support the dream coming alive again. With great joy & tenderness in each word I sent an email sharing the news offering to do whatever I could to support & connect the two to change this narrative. I never got a single response to this email. Never heard a single word. Silence.
This was the 4th time healing hurt.
Most recently during the week of my TEDx I was met with anger, resentment and jealousy by two individuals who were once family. Each one showing their true colors in different ways, but so painfully blatant I was no longer able to do nothing. For those who are not familiar with a TEDx it is a great honor known as the talk of your life & a huge accomplishment to be an invited speaker. One of the proudest moments of my life to date.
Each of these individuals gave a different reason why attending my TEDx was not going to work for them. One was simply too busy as they had been for the last 5 years regarding anything I did & the other was simply standing in unison with the 1st.
However the 2nd chose to add elements of torture to my person with days of insults, badgering & negative talk after inviting me to stay in their home before announcing their decision not to attend the TEDx which came the night before with a bogus excuse. Days after & when they could no longer contain themselves beyond torturing me mentally for days they shared they hated the person I have become over the last 5 years and how I had changed.
It was true I was no longer the person they knew 5 years ago. I was also damn proud of myself in every way & worked my ass off to get here!
5 years ago I was sick, scared & crippled by the devastation known as MS. Today I am loud, proud, applauded, a sought after speaker & influencer in the conscious living world. This BOSS is no longer needy. My fear driven life over with all pain and suffering gone from my body. I would say I am quite different!
I am a freaking miracle & the one of the most healed from MS in the world all due to my hard work & tremendous effort.
I told busy bee # 1 to go fuck themselves while passive aggressive #2 I packed my shit & left their home after having them throw things at me. Are you kidding me? The healing me which all are unable to deny brought out the true colors of each individual.
This was the 5th time healing hurt & also the last.
It was also done by the hands of those who dealt the 1st healing hurt. How am i not surprised? I just wish I learned this long ago before enduring more hurts along the way.
Silly me to think this would change. There was no doubt my volume would increase as I continued to perfect my miracle status & this alone would cause further alienation. I just wanted so much to believe that healing would only bring joy to all who came in contact with me especially those who acted as if they loved me. However this is not the case. Instead the miracle known as PaleoBOSS Lady often brings a mirror to others they do not want to look into. Love often turns into hate, anger & extreme jealousy when outcomes are so great.
I chose to have none of this penetrate my being knowing my person provides hope to many, is selfless & of service to others. There is no room for jealousy, resentment or anger in the life of a miracle only joy.
I have the great pleasure to be in front of the community every day & can tell you that there are ways to prevent the hurt from healing many of us may experience:
- Lead by example only. No need to tell others or offer unsolicited support.
- Those in your life who do not applaud your healing need to go. These groups never were cheerleaders during my wellness only sickness. Their relationships strong during times of weakness only show true colors & should have been noted.
- Stay strong knowing you only have to answer to the man in the mirror. For everyone I have lost in life I gained 10 more supporters, friends & angels along the way. Do not fear the loss celebrate the gains.
- Love yourself no matter what & vow to live your best life. Those who do not support your wellness are typically only interested in the 'me' of your relationship having nothing to do with the us.
I believe in you & will always be a cheerleader you can count on as you tap the miracle inside yourself. Namaste.
Oh shit I feel so much better simply sharing this pain I have endured. Clearly time to move on & I am once again grateful to be the BOSS I am knowing my life is elevated with each step I take.
Want more insight into the life of being a miracle? Of course you do!
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