My Battle With Alcohol
By: V Capaldi Thought that would get your attention. Being raised by an addict I take the use of drugs and alcohol very seriously.
I have never done a recreational drug outside of smoking weed. I have been an avid user of marijuana for almost 30 years which equals my years living with Multiple Sclerosis.
Drinking for me did not become a thing until my life on the road began at the age of 25ish. I traveled and traveled and traveled to the tune of over 200+ days a year for over a decade. At the time I was building international tech companies which was largely a male dominated game. In order to play "the game" you had to be where it all happened. This included many a cocktail hour, steak dinner, golf outing & strip club visits. Often. Very, very often.
Fast forward decades later & cocktail hour became my therapy.
It signified the wind down. The beginning of a 'deep breath' on the day.
Today I no longer drink.
Knowing with confidence I never will again.
I am still in shock over this reality, but my relationship with alcohol is over & it has been a battle.
Not a battle of addiction a battle of numbing myself.
Literally alcohol was toxic beyond what it did to my body physically. Coping skills, stress management, higher purpose ideal's, self love & important shit like that are not in the picture when your daily "wind down" comes from a sip.
Even 1 or 2 glasses, a few days a week offered enough numbing that I was able to continue to autopilot 'dealing' with shit.
When you are a miracle you have to question everything. Over the last 5 years I have slowly been cutting alcohol out of my life. The battle began with conscious effort knowing I had a lot of mental healing work to do to win this fight.
A few weeks ago I drank for the 1st time in months. I had my usual tequila surprisingly not to excess, but I drank.
My body literally went crazy & became violently ill! Painful, violent, scary stuff. No joke friends.
That is when I knew the battle had ended & this gal would have never ever have alcohol again. I love myself enough to have felt so bad for how I treated my body especially after all it allows for in the face of MS. Why would I be so cruel to myself? Never again. Never.
The truth is that up until now I had no physical addiction to alcohol I had life routine tied to it. Routines that mattered in a huge way to my life:
- Winding down
- Taking a deep breath
I am certain my battle with alcohol is finally over because I have worked hard to learn how to: slow my role, have balance, breathe complete with a large "Bag of Tricks" filled with relaxation skills to support my higher purpose life.
If you live in harmony with your body & truly are conscious I have to ask is there really a place for alcohol in our lives? If so, why does a body react so violently to even a sip once clean living happens?
When your body is forcing it out like exorcist kind of stuff shouldn't that tell us something. Throwing up from anything is not good & booze tends to have our body do that in our lifetime. Veggies I do not remember ever doing that to me. Just keeping it real.
I am still healing from that false move of drinking this month. This is not a good look for my body, but rest assured there is a reason I am a BOSS because when it is time to show up I do. ALWAYS!
Bye bye alcohol. It's been fun, but not really when I look back. Damn it.
Raising a few eyebrows am I? Or not. Who knows.
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