Mourning Consciously. Say What?
By: PaleoBOSS Lady® March 5th around 12:25am my life became a mourning fest that has not stopped. Literally tears are flowing down my face as I type this post. My best friend and longest relationship beside my daughter passed onto angel status.
Raw Runway Bikini Ready Rita became an angel on 3.5.15
She was my faithful companion, healer and best girl for almost 12 years. Rita chose our family at the age of 4 weeks old by literally running on top of all of her brothers and sisters and announcing "pick me!" and we did! December 8, 2003 Rita joined our family.
Fast forward to 2004 less than 5 months after she arrived my familial world collapsed beyond my wildest dreams. The hardest fall of my life and Rita was by my side & my healer. She was my rock, inspiration and best friend.
Rita gave me purpose, love, joy and most of all companionship.
Rita's passing did happen overnight although it so feels like it. I really knew in December she was showing signs of aging and acting differently. We took a trip east for the holidays and Rita for the 1st time in her life decided she wanted to lay on my chest all the time. I conveniently attributed it to her age mentally moving on. #damnit
Fast forward New Year's Eve blood appears in her urine. Big warning sign even though meds cleared things up. A mom knows when something is really wrong and this mom knew she was not well. As I began to look over the year it actually started the year before while visiting back east. This new awareness increased our conscious life together from me as her owner and friend.
Thankfully on NYE I chose at that moment to assume Rita needed hospice and never left her side almost 100% since December 31st 2014. Those moments filled with gratitude were a real gift for both of us.
We both knew where we were heading, but somehow I thought we had more time.
A dear friend came over the week after Rita passed and reminded me of the tradition of sitting shiva. Allowing yourself to mourn and others to take care of you. I heard her and agreed this was the right thing for me to do just allow for the emotion. So I sat and sat and sat. Still sitting.
Here we are 3 weeks later and I am still crying and aware of this loss most of the day. Slowly with time, the help of friends and focused effort I have once again started cooking, sleeping better and am finally able to physically move. Progress is happening although slow and I am encouraged.
You see my heart has not hurt this much ever. Sure I have been sad and heartbroken many times in my life, but those relationships were all unhealthy for me. In the past my person was broken because the relationships were broken and based on deficits.
I had never mourned the loss of such a trusted companion ever and found myself on new terrain.
In typical PBL fashion I turned to Google for answers. Searching for any blogger, science wisdom on how to mourn consciously. Nothing. Nada. Which to this lady means there is a need for one and why I am sharing this blog post in real time. #theusual
Sure I am still mourning living in what I call a real life Heartbreak Hotel. I am also certain that #onesmallstep has to be enough. In addition another common theme that holds true for a successful outcome during times of mourning as in almost every aspect of life is community.
Mourning consciously means allowing for the process while including the support of others.
Sitting shiva is not only a time for allowing one to mourn the loss it is also about accepting the help of others consciously. I am learning in real time how that manifests and finding community in so many ways. From forcing my person to go to a yoga class in the hope of not crying for just that time to taking walks along the beach getting outside and around other life energies.
I encourage all of you to recognize in time of great loss and heart break it is essential to allow for the process of mourning, find community and engage in self evaluation to successfully navigate what only time can heal.
Time is the real healer.
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