Making Fear My Bitch
Funny when I checked to see if I have talked about fear on my blog I realized I have a fucking ton. My first thought was to scrape this blog and then I realized I write about fear because it ruled the house for decades. I also know for many fear is still in the building big time.
Fear has the habit of taking control when we are not looking.
Literally I feel like I woke up one day and feared everything from the minute my eyes opened. Having Multiple Sclerosis (MS) I feared my body never knowing what would be working or not. I once had a retail store back east that weather could make or break payroll especially during winter months so I began to live in fear of weather.
When you fear what you can’t control things are going to end up no where good.
It still took me many years after I began to fear the weather to get a hold of myself and start to show fear who the fuck is boss. I was so crippled by fear that I could not make a single rational decision. I remember trying to buy a birthday card at CVS and unable to pick a damn card. I feared a mistake in every card. It was this moment I felt like I entered triage and started to take big steps to change my narrative.
Fear was so strong and once I started to ‘break it down’ I realized most of my fears were either tied to possessions, societal, cultural norms and autopilot living and had nothing to do with what I actually feared. Quite honestly today I consider myself fearless. That does not mean I don’t get scared. It simply means that I have little fear living with my eyes wide open and a high level of consciousness. This is quite different from the person who could not make a buying decision in regard to a birthday card.
Changing the narrative involves going back to the ‘scene of the crime.’
Understanding when the fear narrative started is key to kicking it to the curb. As I began to ask myself when did fear start running my life it always came back to an expectation I could no longer deliver. Most if not all of those expectations were directly connected to norms that I subscribed to unconsciously. Kicking fear out of the building was a huge wake up call that keeps me very conscious.
We fear what we don’t know.
We fear what we can’t control.
We fear what we can’t do.
We fear what we are programed to fear.
My ex-father in law was a world renowned child psychiatrist who used to tell me that ‘fears were carefully taught.’
Case in point my kid has most of my fears. We are taught fears by our family, friends and loved ones without consciously even knowing this. I had no real idea what my father in law was talking about until it actually manifested before my eyes.
I remember the moment I realized my kid had my fears.
So when dealing with fear going back to the root cause is key. Just like with a functional medicine approach to healing it is the root cause that matters. When did fear start taking control is what you are trying to uncover. When you lose something you go back to when you last remember seeing it right?!? Fear works in much the same way.
Go back to when things changed and start looking at things through that lens.
This process is not easy and takes time. Slow, steady and sustainable work is what I recommend. I found and continue to find this journey so elevating. Grateful it removes all forms of comparison too. So freeing to live consciously. Fear and many negative life emotions have little space in consciousness.
Begin by creating the space to open up the internal dialogue needed to get to the foundation of change. From there you can begin taking the steps you need to navigate change. Change happens by nature of awareness. No need to fixate on what needs changing just simply wake the fuck up friends.
I so believe in you and offer a little talk I did that shares what happens when we live on autopilot. Enjoy!
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