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Self Love

Why Loving Yourself Matters Most

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Why Loving Yourself Matters Most

I need to share that self love is the core of my life outcome. I also have to share most of us do not have a high level of self love in our 'Bag of Tricks." Just yesterday I was talking to someone who stated they absolutely loved themselves, but did not like the way they looked. I was like then you don't love yourself.

Self love is both an inside & outside job.

You gotta love the person you are completely. You cannot say you have a high degree of self love when you look in the mirror without loving what you see. Sorry to be the messenger, but I speak only the truth.

Self love involves owning who you are no matter where life takes you.

I knew for years I was an overachiever who set goals and knocked them out of the part. I was always a great student, involved in the community, had lots of friends and lived a very busy successful life.

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I also hated what I saw in the mirror and never trusted my body due to having Multiple Sclerosis (MS) since 1986.

This type of thinking only stood to prevent me from even beginning to kick MS to the curb. Which is a powerful as living a fear driven life. Literally for decades I lived in fear and was a person that did not love my whole person. I only liked parts of me.

I believed that if I achieved financial and professional success that would bring me to love myself. Consumer driven ideals where my diving force in thinking this was the way to love myself because every one would see what i have accomplished. A simple concept like the person with the most toys in the sandbox wins was the metaphor driving my thoughts. The truth is when I had no debt, homes bought for cash and millions in the bank I was the sickest.

I literally was living the American dream and my body was failing at every turn.

At this time in my life I believed financial success and the lens of others defined my person. This coupled with hating MS and believing I could fight it out of my body were the catalyst in the acceleration of the disease to the most progressive form. I literally had self loathing thoughts that were so strong coupled with actions that MS simple took over and was winning at every turn.

Once I achieved financial success, professional recognition, and became certified as a yoga instructor I thought my life would change the path of MS. Instead it was when MS took control of my every move and wiped out my bank account.

This clearly was a brick hit forehead moment and forced me to realize my thinking, actions and relationship with MS was wrong and destroying my chance at living my best life.

The 1st step for me was to begin the outline a road map to BAM. I needed to start a path towards self love that allowed me to realize my thoughts are what controls my outcome followed by conscious action. There are a few critical pieces to establishing a self love journey that I believe matter when trying to live a life dreams are made of.

Here are my TOP 5:

  1. Know you too are worthy.
  2. Open your eyes to cultural and societal norms
  3. Define your person based on acceptance and appreciation.
  4. Add silence to your life.
  5. Find community to support your path.

Slow, steady, sustainable steps are the magic path to any life long change in action or thinking. It took a long time for me to understand I was worthy of good health. Somehow I found myself defined by MS and therefore never felt worthy and simply thought I was on borrowed time with a functioning body.

There is no race to the finish.

There is a race to beginning this process knowing that all roads to a miracle life begin and end in self love & that this is what is needed to set the stage to tapping your BAM.

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Stop Helping Others First

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Stop Helping Others First

I am not kidding.

Do you know how many people help others without owning their own shit?

I know I was one of them.

In addition to being an enabling parent who was more than willing to drive to school 5 times in one day when my daughter forgot something I was involved in everything from the MS Society, local community organizations, volunteering at school, fund raising for 1/2 dozen charities a year & all of this with a body that was increasingly struggling with the devastation known as Multiple Sclerosis (MS).

Of course when MS progressed to disability I had the perfect excuse why I found it hard to take the best care of myself. Clearly I was busy.

Healing to the level of miracle status involves helping yourself 1st and foremost. It is only after we care for our own needs that we can truly help others and this my friends was the hardest lesson for me to learn.

I think my therapist of many years told me each weekly visit to realize if there was a book that listed the amount of time someone should spend helping others I would have exceeded the average limit so that I can take a break to focus on myself. My response was bullshit and I could not have been more wrong.

When I moved to California I decided to resign from all volunteer stuff and any optional commitments. Already disabled and my health failing quickly I was beyond desperate and almost way late to the party. As luck would have it once I took time for me the miracle known as PaleoBOSS Lady started to happen. Little by little I was able to create the space for my healing & help myself.

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Finally I owned my life 100% by committing to helping myself & miracles began to happen.

It is amazing how once you start to live in harmony with your body, mind and spirit how illness both mental and physical start to appear differently almost on a daily basis. For the 1st time I started to feel like I had a role and was not simply a victim in waiting. MS had always felt like it was the BOSS & once I moved to CA to begin my healing journey for the 1st time I felt like I was becoming the BOSS of me.

By the time I was blessed to find the work of Dr. Terry Wahls where I quickly became the BOSS of my life & my body.

My health was in such poor shape I cut myself off from the outside world and began to hibernate desperate to find answers. I was waking up regarding life & how I lived it to the point of realizing my life was toxic in its current form and I needed to make major changes. Even with the commitment to work on myself only I still needed to wake up and own my life. Stopping being of service to the community was not enough. I had to own the life of V in order to heal.

Once I was able to own my shit I was able to begin the process of being the miracle known as PaleoBOSS Lady.

In order to help others we must offer our personal best. Without bringing your "A" game you are simply sacrificing your best life in order to please another which although this my seem admirable it is not a good look. Not at all. All to often I see people who are sick and suffering forgoing their own needs to help others. This is diversion from owning your life no matter how you slice and dice it. All of mankind would be better served if each of us were healthy, happy and awake. The autopilot of life sets us up for sickness, disappointment and not the best quality of life.

Now don't get it twisted I am not talking about roles that happen outside the home only. As I mentioned my enabling behavior as a parent offered the perfect excuse as to why I had no time to heal. How we live in our own family also comes into play when we are striving to live our best life. No parent should ever put the needs of their children first although we are taught this.

Remember you put your mask on first in the event of a plane emergency. This holds true with our needs beyond the plane.

So how do you begin to make this change? Slow, steady, sustainable steps wins always. Find ways you can begin to remove yourself from anything that takes your eye off the self love ball to begin owning your role in sickness and health. Just as we have a hand in our wellness we have the same hand in our sickness.

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Stopping the autopilot of life & giving 100% to our life purpose creates the space for the magic of healing to happen. As long as we give without having our house in order we never truly can tap our BAM.

Trust me I know because I live my BAM every day as a walking miracle who got here by owning my life. I believe in you to do the same.

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When Healing Hurts

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When Healing Hurts

Strange concept that when you heal from anything this can cause great pain & heartache. The pain of relationships is what I am talking about. Alienation, jealousy & anger are often the result of healing especially if you are a miracle.

I wrote a blog awhile back about being addicted to the chaos of MS & how personally it was hard when I no longer identified as someone who had MS 1st & foremost. I personally struggled with this new outcome for myself & was astonished by this.

Today's post is about how healing hurts regarding relationships.

When my life was unmanageable & MS seemed to be winning I began to make drastic changes to help live my best life. At this time I was asked to be in a 'family' wedding as a bridesmaid. I was still very sick when the bride & groom asked me to join the bridal party & had been about a year into my conscious life journey. 

About 4 months after accepting with excitement to be in the wedding I made the decision to shave my head in an effort to save hand usage which was now at a premium for me. When the bride to be found out she literally begged me to wait until after the wedding stating folks would think I had cancer as I walked down the aisle.

I was like so what if I did have cancer does this mean you would not want me to be in your wedding?!?

To make matters worse for this bride I had decided to no longer wear toxic make-up on my body especially my face. Learning there was almost zero regulation of the chemicals used in the cosmetic industry clearly made this choice a smart next step. Bridezilla hired a make-up artist which I refused to use for the "big day." She was livid especially after delivering each member of the bridal party a 13 page excel spreadsheet of how & what was excepted of each member of the bridal party.

To keep things the most exciting I was about 4 months into my Wahls Warrior journey & requested to have a Paleo meal at the reception. This was received so poorly the bride contacted her soon to be mother in law upset wondering why I agreed to be in the wedding which resulting in a pleading call for me to drop out of the bridal party after buying the dress & paying for alterations all simply because I was trying to save myself. Remember all of these choices were to heal my body, but everyone else saw them as me simply being difficult.

This was the 1st time healing hurt.

When I first started my healing from MS using diet & lifestyle I attended every conference I could to learn more. I reached out & made connections with almost every leader in the field to gain as much 1st hand knowledge as possible to kick MS to the curb. Along the way quickly learning MS was not the only thing many globally where healing through consciousness.

Almost immediately I ran to share this news & information with loved ones suffering from Lupus, RA, Diabetes, Autism, Cancer & the list goes on. Each time being met with no response, anger or completely being cut off forever. Many stating that they did not want to hear about my journey at all & to simply keep quiet. Even though their health & well being continued to decline almost daily.

This was the 2nd time healing hurt.

As the years have gone by with my healing clearly being miraculous the distance between me & many grew wider & wider. I remember being on vacation with a group of friends about 2 years ago where someone rented a house. I chose to bring my own food much to the organizers dismay. I simply packed a cooler choosing not to participate in the group shopping everyone in the house was contributing too.

The organizers were not happy & tried to pressure me into participation & contribution many times. When it was clear I was not going too they became hostile whispering like high school girls the entire vacation about my actions.

My presence clearly threatened their choices especially when you can no longer deny how good I look & how much I was kicking MS to the curb. In addition my brand was growing & the community I represent getting stronger & louder with each passing day.

This group even went so far as to alienate me almost the entire time. I knew after one night this was going to be the last time I would be in their company knowing they would never include me again. I was right & have never been invited since then. Remember all of this simply because I chose to use lifestyle choices to live my best life.

This was the 3rd time healing hurt.

In the last year my healing from MS has taken a huge upswing. I have had huge leaps in my ability & this body is doing things it has not been able to do in almost 30 years. I look younger every day, my weight is optimal & literally I run like a well oiled machine. No one not even strangers can deny that I am simply glowing while radiating the picture of health.

Over the last 5 years I have stopped eating gluten, dairy, grains, sugar, no longer smoke or drink alcohol, go to bed at 8pm waking at 4am, meditate every day, move for a few hours daily, get vitamin D, grounding energy and consult my angels for the win.

These changes are DRASTIC to say the least & have changed everything about my person. In addition the brand I started known as PaleoBOSS Lady has grown to be over 50K strong with close to 1 million global impression weekly & I am considered an influencer in the world of consciousness.

As of the writing of this blog I am several months into a USA tour supporting the community I serve based on moral obligation alone. I am a minimalist whose ever possession fits in my little red fiat.

Quite honestly I am the best version of me for the 1st time in my life!

There is no doubt this is true with confirmation coming almost daily from the global community I represent. In fact last week I gave the talk of my life as a TEDx Speaker. BAM.

In the last year I had a family member share with me a dream they had of having children was not going to be possible. They found out there was a problem that traditional medicine was unable to fix. After a few surgeries they decided there was no hope of full filling this life long dream. We both sat devastated about this news.

In typical me fashion I decided to consult Dr. Google to find out more. As luck would have it one of the leaders in conscious living had the same situation and I knew him. I dug a little deeper & was able to confirm diet & lifestyle changes could support the dream coming alive again. With great joy & tenderness in each word I sent an email sharing the news offering to do whatever I could to support & connect the two to change this narrative. I never got a single response to this email. Never heard a single word. Silence.

This was the 4th time healing hurt.

Most recently during the week of my TEDx I was met with anger, resentment and jealousy by two individuals who were once family. Each one showing their true colors in different ways, but so painfully blatant I was no longer able to do nothing. For those who are not familiar with a TEDx it is a great honor known as the talk of your life & a huge accomplishment to be an invited speaker. One of the proudest moments of my life to date.

Each of these individuals gave a different reason why attending my TEDx was not going to work for them. One was simply too busy as they had been for the last 5 years regarding anything I did & the other was simply standing in unison with the 1st.

However the 2nd chose to add elements of torture to my person with days of insults, badgering & negative talk after inviting me to stay in their home before announcing their decision not to attend the TEDx which came the night before with a bogus excuse. Days after & when they could no longer contain themselves beyond torturing me mentally for days they shared they hated the person I have become over the last 5 years and how I had changed.

It was true I was no longer the person they knew 5 years ago. I was also damn proud of myself in every way & worked my ass off to get here!

5 years ago I was sick, scared & crippled by the devastation known as MS. Today I am loud, proud, applauded, a sought after speaker & influencer in the conscious living world. This BOSS is no longer needy. My fear driven life over with all pain and suffering gone from my body. I would say I am quite different!

I am a freaking miracle & the one of the most healed from MS in the world all due to my hard work & tremendous effort. 

I told busy bee # 1 to go fuck themselves while passive aggressive #2 I packed my shit & left their home after having them throw things at me. Are you kidding me? The healing me which all are unable to deny brought out the true colors of each individual.

This was the 5th time healing hurt & also the last.

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It was also done by the hands of those who dealt the 1st healing hurt. How am i not surprised? I just wish I learned this long ago before enduring more hurts along the way.

Silly me to think this would change. There was no doubt my volume would increase as I continued to perfect my miracle status & this alone would cause further alienation. I just wanted so much to believe that healing would only bring joy to all who came in contact with me especially those who acted as if they loved me. However this is not the case. Instead the miracle known as PaleoBOSS Lady often brings a mirror to others they do not want to look into. Love often turns into hate, anger & extreme jealousy when outcomes are so great.

I chose to have none of this penetrate my being knowing my person provides hope to many, is selfless & of service to others.  There is no room for jealousy, resentment or anger in the life of a miracle only joy.

I have the great pleasure to be in front of the community every day & can tell you that there are ways to prevent the hurt from healing many of us may experience:

  • Lead by example only. No need to tell others or offer unsolicited support.
  • Those in your life who do not applaud your healing need to go. These groups never were cheerleaders during my wellness only sickness. Their relationships strong during times of weakness only show true colors & should have been noted.
  • Stay strong knowing you only have to answer to the man in the mirror. For everyone I have lost in life I gained 10 more supporters, friends & angels along the way. Do not fear the loss celebrate the gains.
  • Love yourself no matter what & vow to live your best life. Those who do not support your wellness are typically only interested in the 'me' of your relationship having nothing to do with the us.

I believe in you & will always be a cheerleader you can count on as you tap the miracle inside yourself. Namaste.

Oh shit I feel so much better simply sharing this pain I have endured. Clearly time to move on & I am once again grateful to be the BOSS I am knowing my life is elevated with each step I take.

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BAM!

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Self Love 101

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Self Love 101

Self love is the #1 reason I am a walking miracle. This enabler did not come by this easy. In fact it was the hardest thing I have ever done.

Prior to loving myself I allowed the wants & needs of others to distract the work I needed to do in order to get healthy.

In fact not loving myself was a huge reason why my body blew up. In 2001, I became legally disabled from the devastation known as Multiple Sclerosis. This happened at a time when self love was not even close to being in my person. In fact I was full of self hate.

Self hate was my mantra for most of my life. I believed in myself, but I did not love myself. Sad, but true.

Today my everything is driven by self love. There is not one thing that happens in my life that I do not ask myself if supports my best life. When the answer tells me an action does not I simply will not do it. No matter what.

So how did I get here? Consciously. Very consciously.

The 1st step was with my physical person. Yes I was the one who preferred the lights off during love making due to not liking my body. This needed to change. I needed to not see my body defined by societal norms & their lens.

My perfect body needed to be defined by my lens only.

I began by standing in front of the mirror naked. At 1st I could not even look at my body for a minute. My negative self talk was completely off the hook in the beginning. Until I started asking myself why? Why did I not like my body?

Today I see myself naked with pride. I actually look at myself several times a day naked.

How did I get here?

I began to question why I struggled to look at myself. I truly broke down the chatter I was having & by doing this I learned that most of the thoughts were not mine. However I chose to own them. If I chose to own them I could also stop owning them.

Once I began creating my own vision of my body I began to love it. My hour glass shape suddenly turned into a source of pride rather than a disgust. My person actually preferred an hour glass figure. What a fucking concept!

Next up I needed to ask myself what I did for just me on a daily basis? The initial answer was nothing! Zero.

Sure I worked out daily, but that was 100% motivated by MS. I was afraid if I didn't MS would win. Working out was not for my person it was driven by fear.

Yoga became my time. It was for me & had nothing to do with MS. I have been doing yoga religiously for almost 15 years & it still to this day is all about me. Yes it helps MS, but it helps anyone who does yoga. My time on the mat is motivated by self love.

Last but not least I stopped putting others 1st. This was the hardest of all. Especially when you are talking your kids. My sun rises & sets being a mom. I LOVE my kid so much it can never be described in words. The thought of putting me before her needs was not an easy thing to wrap my head around. It took the help of a therapist to learn how to navigate this new terrain.

I remember it like it was yesterday interviewing my daughter for a project in my BA program. I asked her what she thought of my new conscious life with MS. She told me how she respects me when I say I cannot do something because it does not support my best life. BAM!

My efforts toward unadulterated self love resulted in my kid respecting me even more. She found strengthen in this new version of me which confirmed I was totally on the right path.

In fact yesterday my kid wrote on my Facebook page that I am her hero.

I know for certain this is a direct result of how much I love ME. Not that loving her is not a constant, but having a mom who loves herself inside & out is a powerful message to our children & our loved ones. 

Ask yourself about your self love ratio. Answer those questions honestly & map out a strategy to live a life propelled by loving YOU. Trust me the world will respond beyond your wildest dreams.

I promise & I so believe in you! Get some.

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Sexual Healing: G Rated

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Sexual Healing: G Rated

Funny how when you live with disease the sex part of the journey no one ever really addresses. Shit no one talks about it if you are not living with disease imagine if your sex life may need 'modifications' due to an uninvited life partner? Oh my.

Truth be told there are little to no conversations around the topic of sex beyond the marketing of sex. How sad.

Don't worry this blog is not about sex directly. It is about sexual healing. With or without a disease many of us need sexual healing. In fact this gal only realized I needed a sexual healing because I had a disease.

This BOSS has always believed the real work of being a miracle happens between the ears. The conversations I have with myself are all that matter in driving my miracle status. I ask and answer the why about every step in my life to tap my miracle. Sex was no different.

Here are some of the questions that have rattled around in my brain over time that produced the sexual healing part of this miracle journey known as PaleoBOSS Lady:

  • What were "my internal conversations" around sex?
  • What was important to "me" sexually and why?
  • Had MS played a role in my sexual life? If so how?
  • Define sex as I understood it?
  • What was intimacy?
  • What was vulnerability?
  • How did I see my sexual future?

I really had no idea about any of this stuff prior to getting conscious about my life.

Sex was sex.

I always enjoyed sex, never lacked for a satisfying experience, knew what sexual roles & situations I felt comfortable with & thought myself worthy of an A+ rating in the sex department. I also agreed & knew that consenting adults the #1 rule sexually & felt I was fairly open from a sexual lens.

Yet once I started having a real conversation with myself about sex I realized sex defined by me had zero to do with any of this. My sexual healing had very little to do with the act of sex and everything to do with intimacy & vulnerability.

Intimacy mixed with vulnerability are my top 2 key ingredients to have a truly orgasmic sexual experience. Yes our bodies play a role, but are only a small part of the whole sexual BAM is how I see it.

The funny thing is I spent almost 50 years searching for the right "sexual" partner & little did I know that it was inside me the whole time.

Your 1st real sexual healing happens when you hang out with a party of 3.  Defined as me, myself & I or body, mind & soul. Tapping into oneself with true intimacy & vulnerability means hard work yet it lays the ground work for a sexual journey of nirvana proportions when sharing with others (or not).

True sexual consent is raw & flawed, spontaneous & abrupt, natural & elastic. Mastering your sexual power within allows ourselves to authentically develop & evolve our sexual self.

Sex should never be a one size fits all. Sex evolves as we evolve.

My sexual evolution prior to consciousness was filled with magazine & movie ideal's having very little to do with my needs & thoughts on intimacy while lacking vulnerability at every turn. Literally I insisted on sex in the dark hating my own body.

How can one ever be vulnerable when you cannot even look at yourself naked?

Sexual healing starts with you & the conversation you have!

  • How do you see yourself when you are naked?
  • How do you feel when you touch your body?
  • How you treat your body?
  • How do you think of your body?
  • What makes your body happy?
  • What doesn't gel with your body?

Take time to really get to know you. If you have not in a long time reintroduce yourself. Get comfortable with your needs, wants & desires knowing that sexual energy is natural, necessary & healing. Get some & let the sexual healing begin.

Shocked it was G rated? Not me. Sex talk in 2016 involves a narrative that is new, raw and welcome.

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