Viewing entries tagged
narrative

The Role of Your Past

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The Role of Your Past

I am not going to lie I live in the narrative world & after years upon years of therapy have finally been able to understand the role the past plays in my life today.

Nothing.

Now don't get your panties in a bunch & hear me out. Sure the past can often be stamped into our memory so strong we cannot seem to forget. My past was nothing short of being filled with gut wrenching hardship & truly remarkable joy. Yet neither of those define who I am.

As someone who did a TEDx on the power of culture to influence life you might think otherwise. Just as my culture has had a role in the person I am it does not define me.

I define me.

In a narrative world respect for the past is understood yet it strives to re-tell your own story. I sat many hours in a therapist office hearing how the past was responsible for my current story. I beg to differ believing that the I get to author my own story by constructing new meanings to emotions, thoughts and outcomes from the past. 

The past does not define me.

As someone living in community invited into people's homes & having the opportunity to be vulnerable with each other I hear quite often how the past is the reason for this or that. "I am this way because when I was raised..." are common responses to why things are the way they are or why growth is not happening.

As I shared in my TEDx "Cultural Collision" I think many of us choose an autopilot existence allowing for the past to become a scapegoat for all things important in tapping our miracle life.

Once I began to get conscious with the who, what & why of my life story the past became a story that I got to rewrite & not one that defined me. Multiple Sclerosis (MS) used to define me until I was able to realize the story is not written by MS it is written by me. If MS was defining me it was because that is what I allowed for.

My mother was an addict which for many years did define my life. Even in therapy all the hours spent were often talking about the role having an addicted mom played in my life outcome. I felt like I spent years in therapy talking about mom & her why which produced nothing to help me tap my best life. Instead it provided me with 'reasons' for my struggles offering zero tools to rewrite the story.

I say hogwash to that.

The narrative of my life included an addicted mom this is true however the story I tell is mine regardless of how my mothers life was defined. Her actions are her life.

My actions only define & are responsible for my life.

I personally believe that once we can start to realize we are the only creators of our story can we tap our BAM. As long as we let the actions, idea's and outcome of others share in our narrative we are going to be unable to raise the roof on our own lives.

Autopilot living which includes many cultural norms make it impossible to have a narrative that is a path to your miracle life. We each need to recognize the past as a script that we get to re-write so we can define our journey and not as the reason for our why.

Your story today is written only by you not your past.

Not going to lie this concept has been so freeing for me similar to ditching the scale & no longer counting calories all of which were cultural norms I adhered to for far to long.

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Living a Passion Driven Life

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Living a Passion Driven Life

I cannot believe that in 10 days the "Taking it to the Streets" Tour sponsored by Nutiva and Natural Habitats officially begins. Seems like yesterday I decided to make this all happen & now it is here & so very real.

Not going to lie until I am actually out there figuring it out I live in disbelief this is all really happening.  Sounds ridiculous I know, but the thought that this girl will be driving all over the USA seems unbelievable & yet is the basis of every action I take each day.

Yes I am still getting used to my miracle status.

As I put together spreadsheet after spreadsheet mapping out this journey I am overwhelmed with gratitude to serve my brothers and sisters. Little did I know when I decided to live a 100% passion driven life that I would be where I am today.

Almost every day someone asks me, "Is your body going to be able to do this V?"

Every time I stop & think silently for a brief second, "You crazy asshole this is never going to work." until I remember my history since living a passion driven life has proven otherwise.

Actually my passion driven life defies all cultural norms & continues to deliver miraculous outcomes so why the fuck can't I do this is the immediate next statement that comes right behind the negative talk.

What is a "Passion Driven Life" really many ask me?

In our global consumer driven world it is almost impossible not to fall into the autopilot of life living day after day with little thought or focus on our individual passion. Most are driven by bills, responsibility & cultural norms which have nothing to do with a passion driven life & everything to do with routine.

Trust me I was so very guilty of this for most of my life. Driven by stuff aka greed and defined by possessions with higher purpose being guided by these shallow ideal's. No wonder my body blew up with Multiple Sclerosis taking control.

Today I have zero. Merely 30 personal possessions, a leased car, dog, laptop & 20 aprons to use for cooking classes.

My life driven by moral obligation.

Reason does not come into play beyond safety & 100% pure self-love. This my friends is a passion driven life.

  • "Sure "V" sounds great, but I got shit to pay!"
  • "Tell my partner that V!"
  • "4 kids, aging parents and a mortgage say dream on."

I have heard it all. I lived each one out for years.

Until I had my entire body blow the fuck up punching me in the face day after day doing whatever it wanted while I was just taking each blow trying to act like a champ, but I am a BOSS.
  • A BOSS owns their life.
  • A BOSS is conscious & does not follow cultural norms.
  • A BOSS knows who they are.

I didn't. Somewhere along the way this BOSS lost herself. Forgetting who she was.

We all have had dreams. We all have believed if even for a moment we could do or be something that dreams are made of. I ask you to search inside yourself to find that place again. We all got that shit we just forgot about it or maybe put it on pause for a stay.

When you are ready to turn the passion switch "on" you need to tap that place again.

Search for it & once you get there ask and answer the questions:

  • If I got it all right in 1 year what would my life look like?
  • &
  • start mapping that shit out with the passion you just tapped.

For more on how to raise the roof on life you best be subscribed to my newsletter.

It comes out weekly with a blog & two more topics of interest that can inspire your miracle life so of course you will love it.

"Oh it Gets Wild" Newsletter rules is all I am saying so join the tribe. BAM.

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How to Love Driving in Traffic

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How to Love Driving in Traffic

Literally I love driving in traffic. Okay maybe not love in the traditional sense as in, "looking forward too."

A straight up 100% gift is the ability to sit in traffic.

For many years I could not drive due to the devastation of Multiple Sclerosis (MS) on my body. As of this moment this is no longer my reality. Literally having to pause as I type.

Sure you may think this outcome of traffic joy is only available to me because I have MS, but that could not be further from the truth. We all can have traffic joy or as my good friend Claire calls it, "Traffic Karma!"

The secret is in the lens having nothing to do with having a disease or not. Sorry to disappoint, but we can all LOVE traffic.

I remember vividly when I had my 1st DMV appointment in Santa Monica after moving to CA from Delaware. I was driving out of the parking lot & a woman thought I "cut her off." She immediately rolled down the window & yelled "I hope you die." I was shocked for days.

When you are 100% Italian you believe, practice and know 'The Maloik' aka the evil eye. This felt like the evil eye cast by a stranger rattling this Italian girl to her core.

I could not for the life of me figure out how to shake off this 'curse' that a complete stranger had so powerfully cast upon me.

Then the famous 'brick to forehead' returned & it became so clear. I had no idea what was going on in that ladies life. She could have just heard the worst news of her life. She could be sick and/or suffering in ways I could not comprehend.

I was a mean driver.
I did not wish others dead, but I yelled & used my horn a lot. Probably too much. 
I hated driving & found it a horrific task.

I literally started to embrace an empathetic heart after that experience driving at the Santa Monica DMV.

Do not judge.

We all get to decide our own "Bag of Tricks" & empathy work for me started in LA while driving. From that moment forward at the DMV I drove with a lens that someone could have just heard really bad news & needs to get in front of me, cut me off or yell at me. I however was no longer going to be that person.

Conscious effort to change my thoughts toward others bought a lens that every person driving "like a complete ass" may be dealing with the worst news ever. My role in this journey of driving in traffic was to send loving kindness to others with an empathetic heart. The end.

Say what! Where is V???

Clearly for many of us the frustration level traffic alone can produce is at an all time high based on personal experience. Having a stranger look you in the eye yelling they wished you dead was a powerful wake up call.

Rage in the car was my norm.

I was not wishing others dead, but cursed at a dozen of you on the daily with offensive wishes as a driver. My truth was not far from my friend who cast the evil eye on me.

Rage is rage.

Empathy is hard to translate when you are a BOSS. Having such a strong character often comes with a tough exterior.  That being said empathy although present may be hard to tap "on demand" especially in situations that occur during traffic.

When I lost the ability to drive I lost a practice that helped make me a better person: the practice of empathy.

Today I find myself driving on highways & NEVER EVER did I think I would return here.

The 405, 5, 101, 22, 10 are all my new BFF's. They are also always crowded. Traveling 20 miles during rush hour averages 2.5 hours & yet I love it.

At 1st I thought it was because I was able to drive again. The joy of traffic was driving & that is why I felt so alive when stuck on the 405. However my gut kept coming back to the same question of "why?" knowing it was more than that.

My love of traffic comes from living in conscious empathetic harmony with my brothers & sisters while on the road.

Okay now you want to know what I am smoking right?!? Another blog post.

Truth be told it is true. Being stuck in traffic forces us to chose how we want to play this: we can be aggressive, annoyed & controlling (which is my natural tendency) or in community, empathetic & persistent.

The answer to this choice lies the ability to Love Driving in Traffic.

Today when I am stuck on the 405 & at a standstill I take the moment to engage in the energy of the community around me. Offering my energy to those who need it, smiling at others, having gratitude my body is functioning & absorbing the energy of the community around me. All of which are a once in a lifetime opportunity for all of us.

Remember history has shown that times of extreme emergency most of us have a universal call to action and that is to help. Each person you are stuck in traffic with could actually be your hero in a moments notice. You simply never know.

It is a conscious choice to honor each driver, passenger, trucker & whatever rolls our way. 

Take the "Love Driving Challenge" giving this lens a try. Instead of allowing the space for a situation that is 100% out of our individual control & making it a source of energy supporting your best person in the spirit of community.

Try it. I bet you will be completely surprised how life changing this challenge can be.

I believe in you. Namaste.

Regarding what I am smoking I blogged about it before.

So if you are not subscribed to my "Oh it Gets Wild" newsletter now would be a good time.

This way you don't miss any of my bull shit & cursing.

Raise the roof damn it.

 

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My Battle With Alcohol

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My Battle With Alcohol

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By: V Capaldi Thought that would get your attention.  Being raised by an addict I take the use of drugs and alcohol very seriously.

I have never done a recreational drug outside of smoking weed. I have been an avid user of marijuana for almost 30 years which equals my years living with Multiple Sclerosis.

Drinking for me did not become a thing until my life on the road began at the age of 25ish.  I traveled and traveled and traveled to the tune of over 200+ days a year for over a decade. At the time I was building international tech companies which was largely a male dominated game.  In order to play "the game" you had to be where it all happened. This included many a cocktail hour, steak dinner, golf outing & strip club visits. Often. Very, very often.

Fast forward decades later & cocktail hour became my therapy.

It signified the wind down. The beginning of a 'deep breath' on the day.

Today I no longer drink.

Knowing with confidence I never will again.

I am still in shock over this reality, but my relationship with alcohol is over & it has been a battle.

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Not a battle of addiction a battle of numbing myself.

Literally alcohol was toxic beyond what it did to my body physically. Coping skills, stress management, higher purpose ideal's, self love & important shit like that are not in the picture when your daily "wind down" comes from a sip.

Even 1 or 2 glasses, a few days a week offered enough numbing that I was able to continue to autopilot 'dealing' with shit.

When you are a miracle you have to question everything. Over the last 5 years I have slowly been cutting alcohol out of my life. The battle began with conscious effort knowing I had a lot of mental healing work to do to win this fight.

A few weeks ago I drank for the 1st time in months. I had my usual tequila surprisingly not to excess, but I drank.

My body literally went crazy & became violently ill! Painful, violent, scary stuff. No joke friends. 

That is when I knew the battle had ended & this gal would have never ever have alcohol again. I love myself enough to have felt so bad for how I treated my body especially after all it allows for in the face of MS.  Why would I be so cruel to myself? Never again. Never.

The truth is that up until now I had no physical addiction to alcohol I had life routine tied to it. Routines that mattered in a huge way to my life:

  • Winding down
  • Taking a deep breath
  • Relaxing

I am certain my battle with alcohol is finally over because I have worked hard to learn how to: slow my role, have balance, breathe complete with a large "Bag of Tricks" filled with relaxation skills to support my higher purpose life.

If you live in harmony with your body & truly are conscious I have to ask is there really a place for alcohol in our lives? If so, why does a body react so violently to even a sip once clean living happens?

When your body is forcing it out like exorcist kind of stuff shouldn't that tell us something. Throwing up from anything is not good & booze tends to have our body do that in our lifetime. Veggies I do not remember ever doing that to me. Just keeping it real.

I am still healing from that false move of drinking this month.  This is not a good look for my body, but rest assured there is a reason I am a BOSS because when it is time to show up I do. ALWAYS!

Bye bye alcohol. It's been fun, but not really when I look back. Damn it.

Raising a few eyebrows am I? Or not. Who knows.

Would love to have you know all the non sense I rant about by subscribing to my blog.

It comes out weekly & has free shit, cursing & great content. The end.

Thank you for being here. Means the world.

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Raise the Roof on YOU

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Raise the Roof on YOU

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By: V Capaldi Ever wonder how to live your dreams?

What are your dreams?

When was the last time you consciously focused on making your life dreams come true?

The sad truth is that many of us wake up one day and realize we somehow stopped dreaming and are simply living.

Don’t get me wrong … I believe all of us want to live out our dreams and connect to our higher purpose!! Yet most of us find ourselves living life on autopilot and settling for a life that’s less than what we dream we could have.

Take a minute to pause…  For one minute allow yourself to stop and think about your life.  One conscious minute... What do you see? Are you living the best life you could imagine?

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Now take it a step further… If you do live your best life, what would that look like right now? How about in 5 years? 10 years?

What changes do you need to make in order to reach your best life?

If you believe that you still have some steps to take to get there then it’s time to shake things up a bit! 

Living your best life doesn’t happen overnight… but not that hard!  It just takes some self-awareness, focus, and a passion for possibility!  These questions are the first steps in your shift.

If you’re interested in having some guidance on your path to living life out loud… you’re in luck!  I’m starting a 7 part web class series in October that will guide you through the steps to realizing your higher purpose and raising the roof on this life.

Oh, It’s gonna get wild!! We’re gonna laugh a lot!!  We may dance… I’m not gonna lie.  And we’re going to do some soul searching. 

This webinar series is all about creating space to live a life focused on higher purpose with conscious awareness.  We will focus on ways to get “unstuck” in your daily routine, and fill your “Bag of Tricks” with simple tools to turn your volume way UP!

Say goodbye to living and hello to thriving!

      • FREE Mindfulness ebook from PaleoBOSS Lady® when you sign up!
      • Starts October 8th - November 19th 6PM PST
      • 7-weeks for 1 hour

Filled with movement, mindfulness and self-discovery techniques, each week of this webinar will be fun and self-empowering. By the end of the 7-weeks each participant will have a full personal “Bag of Tricks” offering all you need to raise the roof on your life!

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