Now that I have your attention can we open our minds to have an honest conversation. I was recently on a Sex panel at PaleoFX and realized that I have very different views than most. In typical me fashion that means a blog post to share this with you all. Are you surprised? I think not.
One of the greatest gifts my mother gave me was her sex talk.
Not many people say this and in fact most express the opposite sentiment or they never had a sex talk at all from an adult. My mother’s sex talk took about 5 minutes and happened the day I became officially a woman and began menstruating. I was in 4th grade and just 10 years old.
Mother’s sex talk was simple, “consenting adults.”
She started it with those exact words and went onto share what might be included in consenting adults. I remember this part feeling awkward, but later loving this conversation in my adult years. Mom shared sex may include: traditional sex, oral, anal and group sex. She also mentioned toys and role playing. A lot for a 10 year old and I remember most her stating over and over again it is what ‘you feel comfortable with’ being the #1 rule of sex.
Breaking down societal and cultural myths regarding sex - another great gift my mom gave me.
Mom encouraged us to get to know our own body. Even though I went to Catholic School she encouraged masturbation and constantly would say “don’t believe what the nuns say about sex.” Although I was very young when most of this was happening I found great comfort in these talks and attribute them to my amazing relationship with sex.
The moderator on the panel at PaleoFX asked each of us to share what we thought described great sex?
We go down the line and I am the last to answer. Each panelist sharing their thoughts had me realizing my sexual lens and that of my friends on the panel were not remotely similar. Everyone in one way or another described great sex by actions. One panelist even shared in detail exactly how they schedule their sex which includes 3+ hours of actions, applying water proof sheets on the bed and the list felt endless in her very detailed description. Another panelist expressed great sex was best when it included hallucinogens. Not going to lie this took me back a minute.
I have not been one to consider great sex as having a recipe.
I have not been one to consider great sex to need drugs.
I have not been one to consider great sex to be scheduled.
I believe great sex happens when those participating know their own bodies well enough to share their wants and desires married to setting boundaries of consent. It is that simple.
The moderator also asked us many questions about sex and everyone tied it to intimacy and passion. I expressed that sometimes you just want sex and that the most intimate acts don’t involve sex. Two strong concepts in my sexual life.
I was enlightened regarding the subject of sexual trauma. My heart felt heavy and my person curious about how to help others who are victims. Sadly this is not uncommon & I was grateful to have had a forum that created awareness and inspired action. Sexual trauma not something I have personally had to deal with and I have now created a space to educate myself more about this.
This panel clarified for me my sexual life like most of my life I have lived outside of the norm. I can honestly say all of this traces back to my mother and her sex talk. It has allowed me sexual freedom and comfort in sexual encounters. Today I applaud my mom for giving me such a great start that set the foundation for sexual freedom in my life.
How do you describe great sex?
Have you ever even asked yourself?
Has it been a long time since you thought about sexual freedom and boundaries?
I encourage all of you to take a moment and have a sexual conversation with yourself. Also enlighten yourself on sexual trauma to help those who are dealing with this horrific issue.
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Together we question the status quo, up the volume and have a damn good time.