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biohacking

Sexual Healing: Intimacy, Celibacy & Identity

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Sexual Healing: Intimacy, Celibacy & Identity

Since last week I started talking about sex and you all got so excited since it was my most read blog this year I thought we should continue the conversation. Clearly it interests everyone. As someone who has lived in community for years and also dealt with many common life struggles that had great influence on my sex life I wanted to share some insights on intimacy, celibacy and identity.

I had no feeling on the left side of my body for close to 25 years. When it first happened I was newly married and sex was the farthest thing from my mind. I literally know the exact moment and place my daughter was conceived because I only had sex one time in many months. There was no question about her conception because my body was in the throws of my very first attack from Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and life was upside down. Daily I was losing control of my body and sex not even a consideration. Sad reality for a newly married couple after only 6 weeks our world unhinged completely. Pregnancy was a gift, but life was still horrifically scary.

At this time I had no tools to deal with these changes in my life. My lack of sex life was involuntary, very real and having a kid made things even harder.

I felt frustrated, angry and mad that sex was not in my newly married life. I felt shame and guilt because MS took my feeling and desire for sex and replaced it with fear. I am sure there are many reading who can identify a time when life took this from you as well.

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How do you handle an involuntary sexless life?

I had zero tools in my “Bag of Tricks'“ when I was younger. I didn’t deal with it. Much later in life personally my sexual healing involved learning about intimacy outside of sex. It did not happen until I was in a relationship much later to someone who struggled with mental illness. The many prescription medicines taken by my partner offered an encyclopedia of side effects that included zero sex drive and desire.

There was a period of several years I lived married and without sex.

This situation was hard for both of us and we worked with a therapist to develop and discover intimacy in other ways. Not going to lie intimacy without sex can be better in ways never imagined. The power of touch, acts of kindness and simply being in the same space together were ways of sharing intimacy that I found to be beyond the joy of sex. Personally I found all of this to be very hard to wrap my head around at first, but eventually a tenderness developed that made this all very special. To date I have never duplicated the sweet tenderness sexless intimacy brought to my life. I still missed having sex, but found this period of time to be more intimate than any other time in my life to date.

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Ever considered voluntary celibacy?

You might be thinking like I did when my friend back in my Venice Beach days shared she decided that was her path. I thought she was out of her mind and informed her daily. I also believed that it was not good for your health not to have sex. Not kidding there is science that shares this truth. Her desire was for a fixed period of time no sex. The end. No matter what I said she decided to be celibate for a time and never looked back.

It took me years of self discovery and honest conversation, but today I look at celibacy as a bio-hacking tool.

I believe celibacy holds the same power as not taking supplements for periods of time. It’s good to take some time off, let your body reset and to check in with yourself seeing what it really needs. I often do not take supplements when traveling to give my body a chance to see what it can do on its own without relying on supplements. Personally it feels like a total baseline reset.

Celibacy and supplement bio-hacking I see though a similar lens.

For many in long term relationships sex often becomes routine and simply an action based event. Now don’t get me wrong there is a time and a place for all of that, but if we were all honest in most long term relationships sex is a playbook. A boring, quick, you can count on playbook. A celibate period offers an opportunity to create the space to shake things up by abstaining.

Celibacy for those of us who are single allows for a time to check in and identify our perfect sex life. To really think about our bodies in a sexual way addressing, contemplating and identifying our ever changing sexual needs. It would be nice if our bodies offered some ‘status quo’, but the older I get the more I realize how quickly our they change no matter how hard we try to slow it down. Celibacy or abstinence through a healthy psychological lens can be a very powerful bio-hacking tool.

The thinking behind sexual identity seems to be evolving with a volume similar to the sexual revolutions of the 60’s and 70’s.

I grew up in the 60’s and 70’s during the sexual revolution and today’s sexual movements regarding identity outside of the binary feels more liberating. In real time many in society are re-defining the rules on sexual partners and standards. Finding great love, happiness, joy and commitment using idea’s about relationships that are defined 100% outside of the status quo.

i believe this movement has strong foundations that support an almost universal sexual healing. The more we are able to freely identify without fear the more we can express our sexuality and feel safe. I have my eyes wide open and feel inspired and energized by all movements that support a persons right to sexually identify outside the binary. I am most excited about the movement to allow us to safely be free to express our own personal sexual identity without fear. This is long overdue.

For all of us there are times we need to bio-hack for sexual healing. Taking time to honor our body and mind regarding sex can create the space for sexual experiences that are redefined and respectful of where we are in the evolution of our lives.

In case you missed it this blog post a follow up to a previous one about sex and sex and sex and sex and sex.

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Biohacking to Find Your Super Power

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Biohacking to Find Your Super Power

Who ever would have thought this would be a title coming from my crazy ass? Have mercy where has V gone?

Honestly I do not even recognize myself. The person I am today I am just meeting. In real time I kid you not! Fear of MS does not drive my life & this alone is a huge ass change.

The joy of living drives my life.

I am a super power & super hero all day every day. I am pretty sure you already knew that.

  • How did I get here?
  • How did I become a miracle?
  • How do I find my inner hero?

These are all questions I ask myself every day. Recently I discovered the word for it:

Biohacking

I never really understood what biohacking was until I realized I was a 'biohacker'.

Biohacking influences the body using mental, physical, nutritional and electronic techniques focused on longevity and optimal daily life performance. All touted to offer significant improvements in quality of life, relationships and overall health.

Dave Asprey, founder of Bulletproof coffee, is probably the most significant and well known biohacker there is. For the last year I lived at his Bulletproof cafe in Santa Monica among this growing community.

We shared conscious thoughts around biohacking our lives as an individual & a collective.

This was the 1st time I really understood what biohacking was & how perfectly that described my miracle life. I too was a biohacker.

You see the miracle of me surrounds the marriage of optimal living with the needs of my body. All of this accomplished by focused, conscious living for optimal outcome using all the influences described above.

Balance, attention & extreme forward focus produces the miracle known as PaleoBOSS Lady.

I am no Dave Asprey & learn constantly from his journey. His work like that of Dr. Wahls help to fuel my journey. Inspired by Dave's "Beginners Guide to Biohacking" I share with all of you my version. My hope is that it will help inspire how you can begin "biohacking" your life by sharing some ways I have been successful. Just as Dave Asprey & the entire Bulletproof community have inspired me.

Biohacking Your Super Power

Mobility: Movement & posture are huge aspects of my hacked life. Having MS posture is often hard for me to maintain due to body fatigue & resulting in very poor posture. The more inflammation leaves my body the easier it is to 'hold myself up' & work on proper posture. However simple steps can be taken to enhance your posture even when life makes it challenging. Focused efforts on posture critical & I recommend checking out Jill Miller's book The Roll Model for get steps to improve posture. Check out my story in the book too.

Movement for this miracle happens on the yoga mat & walking the neighborhood.

6 days a week you can find me on the mat for about 1.5 hours & every day walking miles. As life has evolved in my biohacked lens movement has been the biggest evolution based on body/mind feedback. Check out one of my most read blog posts about this here.

Nutrition:  Focus of consciousness regarding food the catalyst to my miracle status and my #1 biohacking tool.

My kitchen looks nothing like it did even 2 years ago and I have been conscious for over 5. 

Biohacking involves continued evolution for optimal outcomes with a focus on living healthier. This means food is not a measured merely as a pleasure source which was the only lens I had for over 50+ years. The biohacker in me continues to grow the evolution of my relationship with food which continues to result in drastic changes.

Nature: The role the outdoors plays in wellness is so huge it alone needs to be a blog. From grounding to vitamin D we all need to get outside. Take a walk, dance in the rain naked, put your feet in the sand & damn it stop to smell the roses. All critical elements for the biohacker in all of us.

Ride the Wave: Getting uncomfortable is an art form and crucial element to successful biohacking. This my friends continues to be the hardest of all for me yet produces HUGE benefits each time I create the space to just ride shit out. I do believe progress is happening & that lets me know time with focused effort this hack can become a huge asset in my "Bag of Tricks."

Mindfulness: Meditation is a powerful tool that sits in every biohackers ‘Bag of Tricks.” The moral of the story is meditation can be incorporated into daily life. This tool so important with the value it offers each of us should dedicate time to figuring out what this might look like in daily life.

Jump up, dance or sit like a pretzel who cares just figure out a way for you to stop life for a moment in time and just be.

The Narrative: The dialogue between the ears matters. Identifying your current narrative regarding life & living involves asking the question while answering with honesty.

  • Why do you wake at this time everyday?
  • Why do you set an alarm?
  • Why do you eat 3 meals a day?
  • Does you body live optimally with these choices?
  • Do you even know?

Time to start chatting with your bad self is the moral of the story here.

Gratitude: The art of being grateful from a scientific lens is proven to have amazing outcomes for all of us. It seems in our consumer driven world instant gratification more the status quo. Time to really check your lens to see where you. The ultimate goal is to always be working toward gratitude in all things the optimal outcome. I personally live with gratitude for breath.

Get Lost: Music, gardening, dancing & conscious/unconscious activities like this can create the space needed for super power magic to happen. Getting lost in a mindless space a necessary tool to successful outcomes yet difficult to achieve with the current spontaneous way we live today.

What is “Consciousness in Culture?

We all live an autopilot existence living the same routines day to day both personally and professionally. Consciousness in culture breaks down routine & creates a lifestyle that marries our own personal biology with optimal living. Biohacking our lives are the core foundations of consciousness aka Super Powers!

I recently wrote to my good friend, hero & mentor, Dr. Terry Wahls, that I feel like a living Wonder Woman with the amount of healing I have had over these 5 years with it continuing to grow. The longer I biohack my way through life the larger the gains in quality of living I experience. You would think there would be an end, but as of yet there is no end in sight!

Who knows maybe I will cure myself of MS some day. Biohacking every second.

#upYOURvolume

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