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Mourning Consciously. Say What?

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Mourning Consciously. Say What?

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By: PaleoBOSS Lady® March 5th around 12:25am my life became a mourning fest that has not stopped.  Literally tears are flowing down my face as I type this post.  My best friend and longest relationship beside my daughter passed onto angel status.

Raw Runway Bikini Ready Rita became an angel on 3.5.15

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She was my faithful companion, healer and best girl for almost 12 years.  Rita chose our family at the age of 4 weeks old by literally running on top of all of her brothers and sisters and announcing "pick me!" and we did!  December 8, 2003 Rita joined our family.

Fast forward to 2004 less than 5 months after she arrived my familial world collapsed beyond my wildest dreams.  The hardest fall of my life and Rita was by my side & my healer.  She was my rock, inspiration and best friend.

Rita gave me purpose, love, joy and most of all companionship.  

Rita's passing did happen overnight although it so feels like it.  I really knew in December she was showing signs of aging and acting differently. We took a trip east for the holidays and Rita for the 1st time in her life decided she wanted to lay on my chest all the time.  I conveniently attributed it to her age mentally moving on. #damnit

Fast forward New Year's Eve blood appears in her urine.  Big warning sign even though meds cleared things up.  A mom knows when something is really wrong and this mom knew she was not well.  As I began to look over the year it actually started the year before while visiting back east.  This new awareness increased our conscious life together from me as her owner and friend.

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Thankfully on NYE I chose at that moment to assume Rita needed hospice and never left her side almost 100% since December 31st 2014.  Those moments filled with gratitude were a real gift for both of us.

We both knew where we were heading, but somehow I thought we had more time.

A dear friend came over the week after Rita passed and reminded me of the tradition of sitting shiva.  Allowing yourself to mourn and others to take care of you.  I heard her and agreed this was the right thing for me to do just allow for the emotion.  So I sat and sat and sat.  Still sitting.

Here we are 3 weeks later and I am still crying and aware of this loss most of the day.  Slowly with time, the help of friends and focused effort I have once again started cooking, sleeping better and am finally able to physically move. Progress is happening although slow and I am encouraged.

You see my heart has not hurt this much ever. Sure I have been sad and heartbroken many times in my life, but those relationships were all unhealthy for me. In the past my person was broken because the relationships were broken and based on deficits.

I had never mourned the loss of such a trusted companion ever and found myself on new terrain.

In typical PBL fashion I turned to Google for answers. Searching for any blogger, science wisdom on how to mourn consciously.  Nothing. Nada.  Which to this lady means there is a need for one and why I am sharing this blog post in real time. #theusual

Sure I am still mourning living in what I call a real life Heartbreak Hotel.  I am also certain that #onesmallstep has to be enough.  In addition another common theme that holds true for a successful outcome during times of mourning as in almost every aspect of life is community.

Mourning consciously means allowing for the process while including the support of others.

Sitting shiva is not only a time for allowing one to mourn the loss it is also about accepting the help of others consciously.  I am learning in real time how that manifests and finding community in so many ways. From forcing my person to go to a yoga class in the hope of not crying for just that time to taking walks along the beach getting outside and around other life energies.

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I encourage all of you to recognize in time of great loss and heart break it is essential to allow for the process of mourning, find community and engage in self evaluation to successfully navigate what only time can heal.

Time is the real healer.

Oh shit it has been a minute since I posted!  Happy to be back and hope I have stirred you up enough that subscribing to my blog is happening now!

Join the party of questioning the status quo in an effort to manifest your life reality. #ohitgetswild

Basically follow me and lets inspire each other. Why not?  Namaste. 

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Fragile Life Stricks Again...

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Fragile Life Stricks Again...

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By: PaleoBOSS Lady® This week has been a roller coaster ride like no other! #damnit

One minute the largest name in functional medicine, Dr. Mark Hyman, invites PaleoBOSS Lady® to join him and others for a live Facebook chat as a health, food and lifestyle expert which has me dancing in the streets.  Then an email comes about something I have been working hard to manifest for a year and it kind of 'shatters' me to the core where I am questioning myself hard and no longer dancing.

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When suddenly real life smacks me in the face when my BFF of 11.5 years, Raw Paleo Rita, the sweetest black & tan mini Dachshund ever, starts to walk toward me and falls. Basically still not up and it has been 3 days.

About 3 years ago when I knew I could not afford another dog I decided that Rita would live and be healthy until the age of 19.  Literally I convinced myself of this and remind Rita daily with a 7+ year term left as my BFF. #ohitgetswild

The reality of what we are facing is literally coming from a place in my person that I thought I could out run and hide for another few years.  This may not be the case and I am struggling to see through all lens clearly: mother, friend, provider and as a disabled person.

Living with a disabling disease makes this type of stuff even more challenging.  My dog is unable to walk right now. She can take a few steps and try to 'run' a little only becoming unable to move.  Just like what happens to me when I over use.   #doubledamnit

If I rest then I get to use. If I don't I lose it.  Rita is living in this world right now. #copycat

We both have been talking a lot to each other since this happened.   I have not left her side as we try to figure out what defines quality of life. #hardassshit

Who defines quality of life?  Rita cannot tell me and we all have different idea's.

The beauty of being 'human' is that we get to decide and share how we want our ending played out if given the choice.  I have defined my quality of life and expressed legally and verbally to those I love.  My parents did this for me and it was one of the greatest acts of their lifetime. Being disabled I knew this gift had to be given to my daughter.

In our time together these 11.5 years Rita has shared with me what is important to her quality of life.  Now more than ever I am paying attention to see those ideal's are met reassuring her all the way that I will not exceed her expectations. #promise

It is times like this that I feel compelled to say to you that sharing how your story plays out is important. We have no choice about the fact that it is ending, but we can certainly share how we would like it to end if we are given the privilege of knowing.

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Most importantly hug those you love, tell them how you feel, slow the f down and realize what matters.  Loving, being loved and having community!  Without those elements in our lives we are nothing!

Last but not least if you could all just take a moment and send a little energy to my baby girl Rita that would be great!  We feel so much already.  Namaste. 

Have you subscribed to the #PBL blog yet?  #thankyou

Of course you have I was just being funny!

In case you didn't, it would be a great idea to get it taken care of now.  You do not want to miss a minute of my nonsense.

Trust me.  #ohitgetswild

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